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Do I need to talk to my children about sex?

Reporting by: Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada (www.sexualityandu.ca)

Let's face it: children today are constantly exposed to sexual messages. As your kids get older they are going to have questions about sex, sexuality and healthy relationships. Talking with your kids about sex can be difficult and uncomfortable - not only for them, but for you too. For some parents it's easier to simply avoid the conversation all together.

But consider this: the average age Canadians have sex for the first time is 16.5. By some estimates, more than half of all teens will have had sex by the time they finish high school. Talking to your kids about sex can arm them with the information they need to protect themselves and make the right choices.

The Sex Education Myth

Talking about sex with friends can be embarrassing enough for kids, let alone asking their parents about it (gasp!). They may feel that you would be upset with them for bringing it up, or that there's something wrong with them for thinking about it. With all the risks out there such as diseases and unwanted pregnancy, having your child's questions go unanswered can be dangerous.

Myth: «If I talk to my children about sex, they will become sexually active.»
Reality: Research on sex education actually reveals the opposite. Teens whose parents engaged them in sexual education tend to postpone becoming sexually active, have less sex and have more responsible sex (i.e. higher rates of using contraceptives) than those who parents were non-communicative.

Role of the Parent

While it may be hard to believe, mom and dad are the first source of information about sexuality. Research shows that teens still want supportive advice, information and guidance from their parents. So keep the following in mind:

• Developing a basic knowledge about issues such as dating, contraception, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and the human body can prepare you for conversations with your kids.
• You don't need answers for every question! If you do not know the answer to a question your child poses, don't hesitate to say so - offer to find out and get back to them.
• Establishing a line of communication with your child so that they feel comfortable talking with you about sex is what is important. Creating an environment of trust and support and engaging your child in a two-way discussion, rather than simply imposing your views, is the best way to reach them.

There is no way of knowing how much your child knows - or doesn't know - about sex unless you talk to them. One thing is for certain: not knowing about sex does not prevent teens from having it. Offering your guidance and support ensures that your child has the information they need to be happy, healthy and responsible.