Being Parents and Sex

Discussing being parents and speaking to children about sex

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Date: Tuesday, 28 January 2025, 09:06 PM

Table of Contents

Do I need to talk to my children about sex?

from: http://sexualityandu.ca/media-room/matte-stories-1.aspx

Reporting by: Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada (www.sexualityandu.ca)

Let's face it: children today are constantly exposed to sexual messages. As your kids get older they are going to have questions about sex, sexuality and healthy relationships. Talking with your kids about sex can be difficult and uncomfortable - not only for them, but for you too. For some parents it's easier to simply avoid the conversation all together.

But consider this: the average age Canadians have sex for the first time is 16.5. By some estimates, more than half of all teens will have had sex by the time they finish high school. Talking to your kids about sex can arm them with the information they need to protect themselves and make the right choices.

The Sex Education Myth

Talking about sex with friends can be embarrassing enough for kids, let alone asking their parents about it (gasp!). They may feel that you would be upset with them for bringing it up, or that there's something wrong with them for thinking about it. With all the risks out there such as diseases and unwanted pregnancy, having your child's questions go unanswered can be dangerous.

Myth: «If I talk to my children about sex, they will become sexually active.»
Reality: Research on sex education actually reveals the opposite. Teens whose parents engaged them in sexual education tend to postpone becoming sexually active, have less sex and have more responsible sex (i.e. higher rates of using contraceptives) than those who parents were non-communicative.

Role of the Parent

While it may be hard to believe, mom and dad are the first source of information about sexuality. Research shows that teens still want supportive advice, information and guidance from their parents. So keep the following in mind:

There is no way of knowing how much your child knows - or doesn't know - about sex unless you talk to them. One thing is for certain: not knowing about sex does not prevent teens from having it. Offering your guidance and support ensures that your child has the information they need to be happy, healthy and responsible.


Role of the Parent

from: http://www.sexualityandu.ca/parents/role-1.aspx

You are your child's first source of information about sexuality, so you can play an important role in educating and guiding your child through childhood, adolescence and beyond. By no means do you have to be an expert, but it's important to:


Myths about talking about sex

from: http://www.sexualityandu.ca/parents/role-2.aspx

An ideal parent, according to teens

from: http://www.sexualityandu.ca/parents/role-3.aspx

The Ideal Parent list gives parents an idea of what their children are thinking and what they want their parents to bring to the table when discussing sexuality.


The Challenge of being an Adolescents

from: http://www.sexualityandu.ca/parents/role-4.aspx

Being a teen is a difficult time. They need to :

Teenagers - what to expect?

from: http://www.sexualityandu.ca/parents/teen-2.aspx

Adolescents are just like you. They're trying to understand and cope with the day-to-day problems of living in a complicated and changing world.

You may think your teen's problems are pretty trivial when compared to your own...really, what's homework, fashion and dating compared to raising a family, paying the bills and a 40-hour work week?

It may help to stop and remember that, while everyone faces different challenges in life, how we perceive these challenges has a lot to do with our own life experience. So it may help to remember that your child doesn't have as much life experience to draw from as you do. Try to consider not just how their problem measures up in the greater scheme of things, but also how your child personally experiences that problem. This doesn't mean you should condone everything they do, but you should try to understand their perspective, and to understand why they feel and act the way they do.

During adolescence, teens can be anxious and sensitive about their physical appearance, their height, weight, skin and hair. Acne can be a real problem for a teen. Parents can offer reassurance and encourage teens to accept themselves as they are, but can also help find practical solutions for their problems - finding a doctor for your child's acne problem, for example.

Teens aren't always easy to live with - they can be rebellious, moody, self-centered, selfish, aggressive, argumentative, critical.

It may seem unbearable, but this is actually quite standard teen behaviour. Their teenaged years are a time for a person to establish which behaviours are acceptable and which are not. Your own behaviour and values are going to play a big role in this process. Choose your battles, decide what you really care about, and put your energy into enforcing the lessons that are really important. Ignore what you can reasonably tolerate, putting your faith in the knowledge that they will eventually grow out of it - if you don't, you might find yourself putting continual distance between you and your child, distance that could one day become a painful and permanent rift.

Parents have to learn to accept, but not necessarily ignore, "typical" behaviour for the sake of their teens' development. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't be concerned about truly destructive behaviour. Bad behaviour can also be signs of more serious problems such as depression. By always keeping the lines of communication open, you can help your teen deal with these problems (and keep them from getting worse), but don't hesitate to obtain more information or seek professional help.


What teens expect from parents

from: http://www.sexualityandu.ca/parents/teen-3.aspx

Testing the limits is part of an adolescent's growing-up process. Although they may complain about rules and limits, teens need to know what is acceptable and unacceptable to their parents in order to develop their own values and morals.

Teens also need their parents to:

Sex Laws and Youths

from: http://www.sexualityandu.ca/parents/teen-5.aspx

How old does my child have to be to make their own decisions about medical treatment?

In Canada, the age of consent for medical treatment can differ across provinces and territories. It can also differ based on the nature of treatment and the place where treatment is offered. For example, in both Saskatchewan and Prince Edward Island individuals must be at least 18 years of age or married to consent to treatment in a public hospital. However, there is no legislated age for having a procedure such as an abortion in a clinic rather than a hospital. In provinces that haven’t legislated an age of consent, the concept of the mature minor applies. This means that a person can choose to have medical treatment, regardless of their age, if he or she is able to understand the information about the treatment, including possible risks and consequences. Your permission is not required if your health practitioner believes your child understands the information provided. You can contact your local public health department or sexual health clinic for information on age of consent in your province or territory.

If my child sees a doctor will I know?

The age when your child can see a doctor without your consent can vary across provinces and territories. If your province or territory does not specify the age, your child is allowed to make their own decisions if they are considered to be mature enough. This means that a doctor must be confident that they fully understand any information given to them. The information they share with the doctor will be kept confidential except in certain instances. For example, if the doctor has reason to suspect your teen is being abused, or that he or she might harm themselves or others, this information can be shared with others. If these conditions don’t apply, and the doctor wants to send your child’s personal information to someone else, the individual should be asked to sign a consent form that clearly states what information is being shared and with whom. They do not have to consent if they don’t want their information shared.

Can my daughter get emergency contraception from a pharmacist even if she is under 18?

In Canada, the emergency contraceptive pill (ECP) is available without a prescription from licensed pharmacists. Pharmacists are required to tell your daughter about the drug, how it works and possible side effects. A pharmacist can refuse to give your teen the drug only if they think she doesn’t understand the information given. Pharmacists are also bound by law to report cases of suspected sexual abuse for those under the age of 18. Some pharmacists may have religious or moral objections to the use of ECP. Any record of your daughter’s use of ECP is confidential and should not be made available to anyone else without her signed consent.

Will they ask for ID if my child wants to buy condoms in a drugstore?

Unlike cigarettes and alcohol, your child won’t have to prove they are a certain age to buy condoms. Sexual health products such as condoms, spermicides, lubricants or contraceptive sponges do not require a prescription and can be purchased by anyone regardless of age.

What are the rights and responsibilities of a father who is under the age of 18?

When a man fathers a child at any age he is financially responsible for that child until the child turns 19. If a man is legally acknowledged to be the father of a child then he has parental rights for custody and access to the child. When a child’s birth is registered the name of the father must be recorded for paternity to be recognized. If a woman does not give the name of the father when the birth is registered, and a man wants to be acknowledged as the father, then there are other ways of establishing paternity. The biological father can make a formal application to the courts to be recognized as the father of a child. It might be necessary to use genetic testing to prove who the father of a child is. If a man denies he is the father of a child, the mother can ask the courts to recognize him as the father. Once paternity of a child is established, then the rights of the child to financial support must be met, and the rights of the father to have access to his child must also be considered.

What is the age of consent for sexual activity?

The age of consent refers to the age at which a people are able to make their own decisions about sexual activity. In Canada, the age of consent was recently raised from 14 to 16, with some exceptions that still stand. Unmarried persons under the age of 18 cannot consent to anal sex. Someone under the age of 18 cannot legally consent to have sex with a person in a position of authority such as a teacher, health care provider, coach, lawyer or family member. As well, 12 and 13 year-olds can consent to have sex with other youth who are not more than 2 years older than themselves. There is also a provision called the 5 year peer group provision, which means that youth aged 14 or 15 will be able to consent to sex with partners who are no more than 5 years older than themselves. Many worry that raising the age of consent deters youth from asking for sexual health information and treatment. Advocates of sexual rights for youth argue that criminalizing sexuality is not an effective way to deal with issues of abuse and exploitation, and that raising the age of consent only forces youth to neglect their sexual health for fear of legal consequences.e youth to neglect their sexual health for fear of legal consequences.

Is the age of consent different for anal sex?

The Criminal Code of Canada states that persons under the age of 18 cannot engage in anal intercourse except if they are legally married. For those over the age of 18, anal intercourse is legal only when it is practiced in private between 2 consenting adults. This section of the Criminal Code has been declared unconstitutional by federal courts of appeal, as well as by courts of appeal in Ontario, British Columbia and Quebec. The courts in this case ruled that a higher age of consent for anal sex, than for vaginal sex, discriminated against gay men and violated the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedom. As long as the Criminal Code remains unchanged, the possibility that people could be charged with this offence still exists. Therefore, gay rights activists are lobbying to have a uniform age of consent for both anal and vaginal sex.

What types of material are considered to be child pornography?

The Canadian Criminal Code defines child pornography as pictures, films, videos or other visual representations that show persons under the age of 18 engaged in sexually explicit activities. These images can also be considered pornographic if they show the sexual organs or the anal region of a person under 18 for expressly sexual purposes. Child pornography can also include written or audio material that describes or records sexual activity with a person under the age of 18. It is an offence to possess, create, advertise or distribute any material that meets this definition of child pornography. It is also illegal to counsel or encourage illegal sexual activity with someone under the age of 18. Illegal sexual activity could include anal sex, sex with a person of authority, or sex for the purposes of prostitution.

The interpretation of this definition of child pornography is not always clear cut. For example, it is legal for youth 16 and over to engage in sex but it is illegal for them to send pictures of themselves in sexual situations over the internet. However, pictures of nude children that have no sexual intent, such as pictures a parent might take of a child in the bath, are not considered pornographic. The definition of sexually explicit is not clearly stated in legislation and is open to interpretation. Photographs or images that some would define as artistic could be labeled as sexually explicit by others.

The concept of advocating illegal sexual activity can also cause confusion in certain situations. Some might argue that educational materials that counsel gay youth on safe sex practices are actually forms of child pornography, since they advise youth under 18 on ways to safely practice anal sex. Sexual health material that describes sexual practices, and is aimed at youth under 18, could be interpreted as pornographic by some. These are examples of extreme interpretations of the concept of child pornography but they highlight some concerns that sexual rights advocates have with how the legislation could be applied.

Can my child get tested for HIV/AIDS without giving their name?

If your child wants to get tested for HIV/AIDS, and doesn’t want to give his or her name, they can choose anonymous testing. He or she will be given a unique code to identify the results, and may be asked information about age, gender or ethnicity, but this is for general statistical purposes and is not connected with the individual. The test results are not recorded on your child’s personal health record, and only your he or she can decide if the information will be given to a health care professional. Anonymous testing is usually offered at clinics and by some health care providers. All provinces have HIV/AIDS testing sites but at the present only 8 provinces offer anonymous testing. Each province and territory has a HIV/AIDS hotline that you can call to locate HIV testing sites near you. (www.aidssida.cpha.ca/english/links_e/index.htm).

If the test result is positive, your child’s sexual partners need to know that they might have been exposed to the virus. They can do it themselves, or contact a public health nurse with information, and the sexual partners will be contacted and advised to be tested for HIV/AIDS, but your child’s name will not be mentioned.

Do all young people have the right to health information and services?

In 1989, Canada, along with 191 other nations, signed the UN Convention of the Rights on the Child. This international treaty states that all persons under the age of 18 are entitled to adequate health care and education, the right to be protected from abuse and neglect, and the right to participate in decisions that affect them. The UN Convention clearly states that children are entitled to appropriate health education, support and services. This means that it is your child’s right to have access to sexual and reproductive health information and services. As well, it is their individual right to have a say in any treatment decisions. While the UN Convention of the Rights on the Child is an international agreement, it is up to the individual countries to ensure that their laws support the rights outlined in the document. In Canada, the federal government has defined basic principles of universal health care in the Canada Health Act. The Act states that all Canadians must have reasonable access to insured, medically necessary health care services. Health care is a provincial responsibility, but each province must follow the principles of the Canada Health Act. Both the Canada Health Act and the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child underline the rights of young people to adequate health information and services so that they can lead safe and healthy lives.

Related Links:


Teaching your daughter about menustration

from: http://sexualityandu.ca/parents/puberty-2-1.aspx

Help Her Choose

When your daughter has her period, she will need to use something to absorb and dispose of the blood. Pads, tampons, cups, sponges [link to section on pads, tampons, cups and sponges] . . . there are many options available and it can be confusing to a girl who has just started her period. Here are a few tips to help her figure out what works for her.

Pads

Tampons, cups and sponges

Choosing

Many women use a combination of products – tampons or a cup and pads, pads at night time, different sizes of pads and (or) tampons during different phases of their period. A young woman will probably start with slender or light styles because her period may not be as heavy and her body is smaller. To help her decide you can talk about:


Pain, Pimples, and Mood Swings

Along with her period, your daughter’s body will also go through other changes during the different phases of her cycle. Some of these changes will be invisible; others show up as emotional or physical symptoms [link to SOGC section on emotional and physical symptoms – in adult and teen sections]. Yes, young girls do have pre-menstrual symptoms and they may be confusing and worrying to her. Talk about these symptoms and what she might expect and how to deal with them.

Hormonal birth control

Some young women do continue to experience very irregular and or painful periods, even after they have been menstruating for a year or so. While only a doctor can determine the cause, some young women do benefit from using some form of hormonal birth control to make their periods more regular, less heavy and less painful. Talk to your daughter’s doctor or health-care provider to find out if this is an option for your daughter.

Tips and Tricks

Share your tips and tricks with your daughter so she doesn’t have to learn the hard way!

Hygiene

Teach your daughter how to take care of her body and her health during menstruation:


When to see a Doctor

Every young woman is different, and it is hard to tell what normal is during the first year or two of menstruation. If you have any concerns at all, talk to your daughter’s doctor of health-care provider. You may want to consult a doctor if:


For more information about menstruation and talking to your daughter about her period, see:

For more information on menstruation see:

Talking about Masturbation

from: http://sexualityandu.ca/parents/puberty-3.aspx

Masturbation is an act of self-pleasuring - stimulating one's own genitals for the purpose of sexual arousal, that may or may not lead to orgasm. The act of masturbating in adolescence is not only an erotic experience, it allows your child to discover and become more comfortable with their own body. You've probably already encountered your babies and young children rubbing themselves with enthusiasm. This happens long before puberty prompts them to masturbate with a more obvious sexual motivation. It is a fact that nearly all boys and many girls will masturbate at some point during their teen years. Over the past 100 years, masturbation has gone from being considered a sin - and something dangerous to one's health - to being generally viewed as a normal and healthy part of sexual development for those who wish to do it.

Remember these things: Masturbation is normal and healthy, it is a low-risk activity, it should be done in private, and most important, DO NOT lay a "guilt trip" on your son or daughter.

Wet dreams and unwanted erections

Boys and men experience erections during certain periods of sleep. When a boy has a "wet dream" it simply means that he reaches orgasm while asleep, usually during erotic dreams. Generally starting around the age of 13 or 14, they may happen occasionally, often or not at all. Many boys will have wet dreams at some stage, but it's also completely common not to have them. It's important that they are reassured that wet dreams are perfectly normal.

When a boy reaches puberty, he may experience spontaneous erections and ejaculation. Sometimes this may happen for no apparent reason and at an inappropriate time or place, such as at school or with friends. He may find this embarrassing but it's unlikely that anyone will notice. The best way to make unwanted erections go away is for him to think about something boring, and he may want to wear clothes that make erections less noticeable such as jeans instead of track pants.

Girls may also experience an orgasm during an erotic dream. Girls may be aware that their vagina is wet (moist) if they wake during these dream.


Sexual Orientation

from: http://sexualityandu.ca/parents/puberty-5.aspx

It is not uncommon for children to have strong feelings for people of the same sex. It is helpful to discuss sexual orientation in terms of thoughts, feelings and activities:

In addition, it is important to keep in mind that:

How to talk about sexual orientation:

Talking about Sex and Contraception with your child

from: http://sexualityandu.ca/parents/talk-1.aspx

As any parent knows, you can communicate a lot to your child without ever saying a word. When it comes to sexuality, the way you react to certain situations, how you deal with their body and your own, how you feel about privacy, and what you choose to actually sit down and talk about all communicate strong messages. But if you feel uneasy about discussing sexuality and contraception openly, rest assured, you're not alone.

Though your child will no doubt hear about sex and contraception through the media, school, the Internet or friends, research suggests that teens still want supportive advice, information and guidance from their parents. Because many teens incorrectly anticipate COMPLETE parental disapproval, they may NOT raise the subject. If they haven't, for your kid's sake, bring it up yourself.

When is it a Good Time?

Nobody knows your child as well as you do...and for this simple reason, you should best know when your child or teen can handle talking about contraception or sexuality. The best way to start is to look for "teachable moments".

These moments are all around you. Maybe you and your child see a pregnant woman, a display of condoms at a drug store, or a love scene in a movie or on television. Take these opportunities to discuss your feelings and values and to ask your child if he or she has any questions. It's not really that important what you talk about, so long as you're talking. This way, when your child needs to talk to someone, they'll know that it's okay to come to you.

Obviously, you won't know the answer to everything, but if you avoid the issue, children may feel that contraception or sexual health issues are taboo. Just remember that study after study has shown that sex education DOES NOT lead to an increase in sexual activity ... but it does lead to safer and more positive interactions now and in the future.

You may find helpful tips and information on "Common questions about sexual health education" on the website of the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada at www.sieccan.org.

Sexual Abuse and Coercion

Many teenagers face some form of sexual coercion, whether through peer pressure, or actually being fed lines like "Don't you love me?" from their boyfriend/girlfriend. Unfortunately, this pressure can take a more dramatic turn in the form of "date rape", an increasing problem. It's important for you as a parent to make sure your teenager is fully aware of the risks they face and that NOBODY has the right to force them into anything they are uncomfortable with.

Preventing Risky Sexual Activity

Here are a few issues/facts that you and your child should be aware of:

Not all teenagers have sex, but many of them do. By some estimates, more than half of all teens will have had sex by the time they finish high school. Even before high school, a minority of young people begin experimenting with sexual activity or even full-fledged sexual intercourse.

Can you, as a parent, steer the course of your teenager's sexual behaviour? The answer: it depends. Parents who live in tightly knit social or religious communities that condemn premarital sex may find it easier to steer their teenagers' sexual choices. For others, parental control may be more tenuous. The strategy of ordering teens to abstain from sex has not proven very successful, whether the order comes from parents or from community initiatives (unless these initiatives were developed by the teens themselves).

Still, research shows that teens whose parents communicate with them tend to have less sex, and more responsible sex, than teens of noncommunicative parents.

Teenagers have the ability to think abstractly and consider the consequences of their behaviour, but they also have a developmentally appropriate streak of independence that may lead them to resist any "orders from on high." You stand a better chance of reaching them by inviting a two-way discussion about sexuality than by trying to impose your views on them or ignoring the issue altogether. One thing is for certain, not knowing about sex doesn't prevent teens from having it, often with disastrous consequences.

Discussing Sex With Your Teenager

Any parent can find it difficult to start a discussion about sexuality with a teenager. Be prepared for rolled eyes and protests of "I know that already". Remember, even if you're really uncomfortable talking about sex and sexuality, there's a pretty good chance that your teen will feel even more uncomfortable at first. Try inviting your teen to share their own observations and ideas with you. Remember, this should be a discussion, not a lecture. For example:

Respecting your teenager's ideas doesn't mean you can't state your own views. If you disapprove of teen sex, for example, you can certainly tell your teen why you feel the way you do. Your teen is becoming an adult, and they're going to want to make their own decisions. "Because I said so" is not an argument that teens typically respond to. For this reason, you might have better luck explaining your to your child why you feel the way you do, rather than just telling them what to do.

Don't expect to cover every aspect of teen sex in one conversation. Again, remember that the most important thing is that you're opening the lines of communication. It can take several conversations before you and your teen overcome your mutual discomfort. As your teenager matures, you can talk about more difficult issues. You can also invite a trusted relative or friend to talk about sex with your teen, or suggest places where they can find more information.

Finally, prepare yourself for a few groans and rolled eyes when you bring up sex with your teen. Sometimes, despite your best intentions, your teen may simply want to end the discussion and move on to something else.

Talking about Contraception

Let your son or daughter know that you want them to be able to talk about their feelings and relationships with you; that you want them to have good information about contraception, safer sex, and about being pressured to have sex; that you want them to be happy, not hurt, in their relationships.

It's important that your child has good information on contraception, sexually transmitted infections, and how to stay sexually healthy. Equally important, however, are your child's questions, concerns, the way they feel, and the knowledge that they can come to you if they need it.

For a quick guide to contraceptives, please visit: http://meeting.knet.ca/mp19/mod/book/view.php?id=3169


Teenage Sex and the Media

from: http://sexualityandu.ca/parents/talk-10.aspx

In the absence of effective sex education at home or at school, the media have become leading sex educators in Canada. That statement should send chills down the spine of any parent.

Think about how we teach young people about sex in the new millennium—with suggestiveness, innuendo, increasing explicitness and pornography, and off-colour jokes. Parents acknowledge—and often are afraid of—the influence that their teenage children’s peers may be exerting. They should fear the influence of the media much more.

Parents seem to worry most about pornography on the Internet, but the number of sexual messages their children have been given on television and in movies by the time they reach adolescence is astounding: an estimated 14,000 references per year on television alone. And the media have become increasingly explicit in the past decade. On American television, for example, more than 75% of shows now have sexual content, yet less than 15% provide responsible sexual information about abstinence, birth control, or the risks of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections. Parents don’t want to fight with their children about media. It’s far easier to park them in front of the television set or drop them off at the mall to see a movie. In short, many parents are clueless.

Canadian parents also have a hard time teaching about sex. A recent survey of nearly 2400 grade 10 and 12 students in Saskatchewan found that only one third of the teenagers felt that they could talk to their parents about sex. Nearly half of these high school students were already sexually active.

Although rates of sexual intercourse have declined slightly among Canadian teenagers, 40% of boys and 46% of girls in grade 11 reported having had sex, and 15% of boys and 9% of girls report having had six or more partners. And as they get older, Canadian teenagers use condoms less frequently. Although the US has the highest teenage pregnancy and birth rates in the Western world (41.1 births per 1000 teenagers 15 to 19 years old in 2004), Canada’s rate of 14.5 ranks well above the rates for all Western European countries except for the UK (26.8).

How do the media fit into this equation? The average Canadian child watches nearly 22 hours of television per week, the same as the average American child, and research shows that television viewing is merely the tip of the iceberg. Young people spend an additional three hours per day with videos, videogames, computers, music, and other media. North American children and teenagers spend more time with media than they spend in any other activity except sleeping—more time than they spend in the classroom.

Hollywood executives admit that the media have an extraordinary power to teach, but what are they teaching and who is learning from them? Until four years ago, the only research available about sex and the media attested to the power of the media to influence young people’s attitudes and beliefs about sex, but not their behaviour. Yet even this influence is highly significant. There are dozens of studies that show that the media function essentially as a “super peer” group, making teenagers believe that everyone out there is having sex but them, that sex is without risks or consequences, and that birth control is completely unnecessary.

Recently, three studies have found a cause-and-effect relationship between viewing sexual content in the media and earlier age at first sexual intercourse. On average, viewing a lot of sexual content at a young age lowers the age at first intercourse by one year. Eight studies have found that making condoms available in school-based clinics is not related to the age young people first have sexual intercourse. The message should be clear by now: the media can be a powerful teacher about sex and sexuality, but availability of contraception does not influence teenagers’ sexual activity. The decision about when to have sex is complex, deeply influenced by family, religion, peers, and the media. The decision to use contraception is simple: If it is available, teenagers will use it. If it is unavailable, they will have unprotected sex.

What can be done to fix this situation?

Schools and parents need to recognize the need for sex education, both at home and in school. And such education cannot be abstinence-only. Young people need to be taught about birth control, as well as about other potentially controversial topics like masturbation, homosexuality, and abortion. These days, they hear about those topics in the media all the time. Why shouldn’t they be given the facts, and a chance to discuss them with their parents, teachers, and peers?

The media could help teach sex education in a responsible way, showing abstinence at younger ages, the importance of sex within a committed relationship at older ages, and the need for contraception and protection from sexually transmitted infections at every age. Media education would be useful as well, and Canada is far ahead of the US in providing such education to children. Nowadays, literacy means more than the ability to read and write—it means the ability to use a variety of different media and to decode a variety of different media messages. Studies show that media education can be protective against the harmful effects of media. The Media Awareness Network is an important resource for Canadians.

The media could be part of the solution rather than part of the problem. They could be an important access point for teenagers for accurate and useful information about health care for sensitive matters. They already are an important access point for teenagers for inaccurate and highly suggestive information about sex. But the entertainment community must accept its public health responsibility, and parents must recognize that they have to harness and exert control over the extraordinary power of the media to teach their children and adolescents about sex and sexuality. Otherwise, it’s “Anything Goes!”

Understanding your child's homosexuality

from: http://sexualityandu.ca/parents/talk-6.aspx

Few parents react to the news that their child is gay with complete acceptance and joy. Even parents who consider themselves open-minded may find themselves upset by the news. And parents who disapprove of homosexuality will likely find it even more difficult to accept their child's sexual orientation.

It's normal for you to be upset when you learn that your child is gay. You may find yourself worrying about his or her future or wondering what you've done "wrong." You may grieve for the possible loss of grandchildren or end to your family line. (It may help you to remember that homosexuality does not equal childlessness; recent years have seen a drastic increase in the number of children born to or adopted by gay people).

You're entitled to your feelings, of course. You're also entitled to share some of your concerns with your child. Just remember that your teen needs you now more than ever before. Gay teenagers account for about thirty per cent of teenage suicides - a figure that would probably be much lower if they received the support they so urgently need. Even if you have to struggle to do it, the best thing you can do for your gay teenager is to offer your love and support.

You may wonder what caused your child's homosexuality. Researchers used to believe that homosexuality stemmed from improper parenting, but this theory is now known to be false. As best we know, what "causes" homosexuality is the same as what causes heterosexuality: the roll of the genetic dice combined with prenatal hormonal influences. Today, the great majority of sex researchers and doctors view homosexuality not as a sexual problem but as a normal sexual variant, much as sea-green is a normal (if fairly unusual) eye colour.

What all this means is that your teenager is no more responsible for his or her homosexuality than heterosexual people are responsible for their heterosexuality. Homosexuality is not a "lifestyle" that teens choose to pursue, but rather a condition they discover in themselves. Studies have made it clear that, try as they might, the vast majority of gay teens are unable to change their sexual orientation. Even if they refrain from engaging in homosexual behaviours, the underlying feelings don't go away.

Trying to "cure" your child of homosexuality will likely produce nothing but frustration and misery on both sides. In the long run, you stand more to gain by accepting your child's sexual orientation as just one aspect of his or her unique makeup.

Support groups such as Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays (pflag.ca) can help you to adjust to the new reality in your family. Such groups also give you the opportunity to advocate on behalf of homosexual teens, should you choose to take this step.


Same-sex parenting

from: http://sexualityandu.ca/parents/talk-7.aspx

Parenting by openly gay couples is still a new phenomena. Because society as a whole has yet to catch up with the trend, you may encounter suspicion or even hostility if you're parenting with a same-sex partner. You're in a unique position to show, through your own example, that gay parents can make good parents and that gay families can be happy families.

Perhaps you've wondered yourself whether you and your same-sex partner are depriving your child of an essential ingredient available only to children of "straight" parents. You can lay your mind to rest: all the research to date suggests that the children of gay parents are at no significant disadvantage. Key findings include the following:

In a recent report reviewing the literature on gay parenting, the American Psychological Association observed that "not a single study has found children of gay or lesbian parents to be disadvantaged in any significant effect relative to children of heterosexual parents."

If you encounter suspicion or overt disapproval, avoid getting caught up in long-winded arguments. You stand a better chance of making your case by showing than by telling: it's only by seeing for themselves that most people change their views. If you give people the opportunity to see your family life in action, there's a good chance their preconceptions will melt away in time.

You may find Gay Parent Magazine (www.gayparentmag.com/) to be a useful resource as you proceed in your journey as a gay parent.


Coming out to your Children

from: http://sexualityandu.ca/parents/talk-8.aspx

Gay parents face one hurdle that other gay people will never have to face: coming out to their own children. Coming out is generally not an issue if your child was born or adopted into a family with same-sex parents - the evidence is right in front of the child's eyes. If your child first knew you as a straight parent, however, you may feel that coming out to them is both incredibly difficult and incredibly important. The following tips from parenting experts may give you insight into how to proceed:

Your Teen is Pregnant

from: http://sexualityandu.ca/parents/talk-9.aspx

Your Teen is Pregnant: Finding the Best Among Several Solutions

If your teenaged daughter is pregnant, she has several options, including:

Each situation brings different factors to consider: your daughter's age, her health, your health, life plans, religious beliefs, financial means, and so on. Your daughter is going to need guidance and support as she works toward a decision that makes sense for her and her family. You may be upset or angry at her for getting herself into this mess, but you need to be there for her, to help ensure that she stays physically and mentally healthy during her pregnancy or after her abortion.

To further explore the choices available to your daughter, you may find it helpful to contact the Northwestern Health Clinic at 1-800-830-5978