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Teenagers - what to expect?

Adolescents are just like you. They're trying to understand and cope with the day-to-day problems of living in a complicated and changing world.

You may think your teen's problems are pretty trivial when compared to your own...really, what's homework, fashion and dating compared to raising a family, paying the bills and a 40-hour work week?

It may help to stop and remember that, while everyone faces different challenges in life, how we perceive these challenges has a lot to do with our own life experience. So it may help to remember that your child doesn't have as much life experience to draw from as you do. Try to consider not just how their problem measures up in the greater scheme of things, but also how your child personally experiences that problem. This doesn't mean you should condone everything they do, but you should try to understand their perspective, and to understand why they feel and act the way they do.

During adolescence, teens can be anxious and sensitive about their physical appearance, their height, weight, skin and hair. Acne can be a real problem for a teen. Parents can offer reassurance and encourage teens to accept themselves as they are, but can also help find practical solutions for their problems - finding a doctor for your child's acne problem, for example.

Teens aren't always easy to live with - they can be rebellious, moody, self-centered, selfish, aggressive, argumentative, critical.

It may seem unbearable, but this is actually quite standard teen behaviour. Their teenaged years are a time for a person to establish which behaviours are acceptable and which are not. Your own behaviour and values are going to play a big role in this process. Choose your battles, decide what you really care about, and put your energy into enforcing the lessons that are really important. Ignore what you can reasonably tolerate, putting your faith in the knowledge that they will eventually grow out of it - if you don't, you might find yourself putting continual distance between you and your child, distance that could one day become a painful and permanent rift.

Parents have to learn to accept, but not necessarily ignore, "typical" behaviour for the sake of their teens' development. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't be concerned about truly destructive behaviour. Bad behaviour can also be signs of more serious problems such as depression. By always keeping the lines of communication open, you can help your teen deal with these problems (and keep them from getting worse), but don't hesitate to obtain more information or seek professional help.