Here for You

Helping a Friend who's gay

When you learn that a friend is gay, you may experience surprise or shock. A person you thought you knew so well turns out to be gay. You may be upset that they kept this from you or you may wonder if you can continue the friendship, now that you know the truth.

It's okay to express surprise to your friend. If you pretend like you're not surprised, or you try to hide the way your feeling, your friend is going to see through you. On the other hand, you owe it to your friend to offer your support, even if you have to push yourself in that direction. It may help to think of your friend's gayness as being neither good nor bad, but simply the way it is - like being left-handed in a mostly right-handed world.

Even if you believe that homosexuality is "wrong", your friend stands nothing to gain from your harsh disapproval - he or she will only feel more rejected and unloved. Bear in mind that gay teens carry out a high number of all teenage suicides. You may disapprove of what your friend is doing, but try to find it in yourself to accept who your friend is - a homosexual.

By supporting your friend through this difficult period, you have the opportunity to make a real difference in the life of a struggling person. Here are some concrete ways you can help:

1. Find out if your friend has come out to his or her parents. If not, offer your support while your friend approaches this monumental task.
2. Do not reveal anything about your friend's sexual orientation unless he or she has specifically given you the go-ahead.
3. Protect your friend from cruel remarks from schoolmates or other people... at the very least, don't participate in such discussions. If you're worried about your own safety, consult an adult such as a school counsellor.
4. Listen, listen, listen - preferably without judgment. Take the opportunity to learn what it's like to be gay.