Here for You

Smart Sex Workshop Outline
What is Sex?

Activity Summary:

Sex can mean a wide number of things to different people. If you’re doing things with a partner, anything is fine as long as you and your partner are both in agreement with what you want to do. Get the participants to think about sexual situations, decisions, and consequences. Emphasize being comfortable with personal choices and desires around sex. Emphasize importance of mutual consent, pleasure, and responsibility related to sex.

Instructions:

Wait for and encourage responses after you ask each of the following questions. Write down everything the group suggests randomly on the board. Use your judgment and rephrase responses if needed to create a respectful environment.

*Note - Be aware of not just having a heterosexist slant. You can use ‘partner’ or ‘boyfriend or girlfriend’ rather than only using opposite gender examples. If participants are slow to participate, suggest some responses and ask if the group thinks they are appropriate.

Reject responses only if they are clearly discriminatory, sexist, violent, homophobic, etc. Address inappropriate responses immediately. If possible, rephrase or suggest alternate responses. For example, if someone suggests an association with sex that has to do with coercion or force, explain right away that violence and forcing someone are not part of sex, and that sex can only happen when both/all of the participants want to be doing what they’re doing. You can also emphasize that sex is about pleasure, not about force, and you can ask the participant to offer another example of sex that takes this into account, or you can write ‘mutual pleasure’ on the board.

• When I say “sex”, what are some things you think of right away?
• If someone says they had sex last night, what do you think they mean/did?
• Why might someone want to have sex?
• What are some feelings associated with sex?
• What are the body parts you use for sex?

Examples of responses people might give :

• Sexual & sensual activities: oral, anal, vaginal, intercourse, masturbation, phone sex, cyber sex, orgasm, kink, spanking, role play, multiple partners, fingering, fisting, massage, moaning, fantasy
• Body parts & fluids: penis, vagina, vulva, balls, anus, clit, hands, mouth, nose, ears, skin, breasts, eyes, semen, pre-cum, vaginal fluid, saliva, sweat
• Supplies and accessories: condoms, lube, sex toys
• Good and bad feelings: love, lust, pleasure, nervousness, excitement, fear, romance, hot, connection, horny, commitment, rejection, anticipation, guilt, euphoria
• Potential consequences: pleasure, communication, orgasm, pregnancy, STI, HIV

Remember:

• Not everyone’s having sex or being sexual, and not everyone equates sex with love.
• It’s fine not to have sex or to decide not to do something you’re not comfortable with, or to go only up to a certain point. It is useful to think about it and have information, even if you’re not planning on having sex right now. You can also try something and decide that you don’t like it, or that you don’t want to do it this time. Just because you’ve done something before doesn’t mean you have to do it again.
• Being clear about what you want (for yourself and with your partner) will help make the experience more comfortable and enjoyable for both of you.